Fast Girls

You'd have to have been living under a rock on Mars to not realise that the Olympics are coming to London this summer. Companies worldwide are creating advertising campaigns around the Games and are keen to push their links with the event. Branded toilet brushes are now 'The Official Toilet Brush of the Games', whilst all manner of stationery has suddenly become 'Official Pencil Sharpener Supplier to London 2012'. It's getting a tad ridiculous. So, when a film came along about a team of British female athletes and their shot at the World Athletics Championships, I had to sigh. 'Here we go again with another sports film jumping on the Team GB bandwagon, with a plot about triumphing against the odds and using every narrative cliché in the well-worn book', I thought to myself. How wrong I was.

Fast Girls follows Shania Andrews (Lenora Crichlow), a street-wise athlete who makes it onto Team GB for the World Athletics Championships and develops a rivalry with her wealthy fellow team-mate Lisa (played by Lily James). How this rivalry works out, it has to be said, is about as predictable as England's performance at the Euros but it was still enjoyable to watch it play out. Character arcs could have been strengthened and, at times, some of the characters felt just a little two-dimensional and under-developed. This is no fault of the actors: each performance, especially Crichlow's, was both nuanced and balanced and had a real sense of realism. A script co-written by Brit film bad boy Noel Clarke (who also stars in the film as the GB coach) is light-hearted and contained just enough laughs to complement the drama and tension which was created, especially during the race sequences.

Now, those who know me will know that I find tax returns more interesting than any sporting event but I have to say that I was engrossed during the races. At several points during the film, I was acutely aware of my own heartbeat which felt as though I was running the race instead. The tight and energetic cinematography and the film's edgy soundtrack (which used urban pop and R&B tracks to great effect) certainly helped in this respect. Without giving away any spoilers, I'll just say that during the final scene of the film, I sat there with a smile on my face and felt genuinely uplifted. I know I sound quite pretentious and silly by saying that, but I really did. Even if you have – like me – no interest in sport, I defy you not to get just a little bit enthralled by the whole thing.

The cast trained for several months before shooting began to build up an athletic body and, without sounding weird, it certainly shows in the slow motion shots of their abs. To see a cast throw themselves totally in to the mindset and physicality of the characters they were playing, was very impressive. Some of the plot points were rather contrived and unrealistic (such as a sequence where two athletes have a full-on fight on the track in front of thousands of spectators) but, for the most part, the film carries the audience along at a good old pace. Fast Girls is by no means perfect, but it doesn't fall into the trap of recycling elements from other films of this type without putting a new slant on it.

For the most part, Fast Girls is a refreshing take on a sub-genre which has produced some great, and some really rather awful, films. Its cast certainly make the film and I can't remember the last time I left a cinema feeling quite so happy. If, however, our female athletic Olympic team are anything like the girls in this film, we're doomed. 

Clapperboard Rating: * * * *

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Some things just go together: strawberries and cream; films and popcorn; wives and nagging; 3D and headaches. And then there are American Presidents and the undead. The past few years have seen a resurgence in all things vampire, with the Twilight novels and films giving millions of fifteen-year-old girls something to sink their teeth into (I'm sorry, no more fangtastic puns shall be made from now on). Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter comes from the director Timur Bekmambetov who brought you Wanted and is produced by, amongst others, Tim Burton. If you're a teacher looking for an easy afternoon off by showing your GCSE class an historically-accurate film to educate them about the American Civil War, this isn't the film.

Let's make no mistake - Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is stupendously silly. In fact, it's the daftest thing I've seen since Russia wheeled out its latest Eurovision entry from the local care home. The plot sees the 16^th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln (played by Benjamin Walker), discover that the country is infested by vampires who are waiting to take over America. Lincoln sets out to destroy them and save the country from becoming a land of the dead. Not, then, the generally accepted history of the US. Let's begin with this plot which is, quite frankly, a mess. At 105 minutes, the film doesn't totally fall apart but the plot is as weak as a marshmallow bridge. Lincoln wandered from set piece to set piece, fighting vampires with his trusty silver-edged axe and then, suddenly, he was President of the United States. I understand that this film isn't a political drama but a clear plot line would have made the world of difference to the action.

I have to say that these action sequences were proficiently executed and were, at times, rather enthralling as Lincoln jumped around, wielding his axe and splattering vampire blood at the audience in all its 3D gory, sorry, glory. A few predictable, but fun, jump scares kept me on my toes and Bekmambetov's volatile style of directing was plainly visible. The film's cast were all fine, with Dominic West and Rufus Sewell giving engaged performances and Walker's facial similarity to Lincoln himself was quite uncanny. The film is quite violent but in that distinctly fantastical style that Bekmambetov is accustomed to creating and I kind of liked the ambition with which he approached the subject matter.

With Burton as a producer, the film was always going to look interesting and, if you ignore the 3D, the film is well-designed and has visual punch. Some nice touches, such as the locations, the vampires' eyes and the fact that they can't kill their own kind were dynamically conceived and reflected the 'out there' nature of the film. But no amount of sweeping shots of the Capitol could have disguised the fundamental problem with the script. Seth Grahame-Smith (who wrote the original novel and the screenplay) obviously didn't listen in screen writing class and has seriously neglected a strong plot in favour of style and if you can't see the twists and turns coming from a hundred paces, then you're seriously not trying. If the story had not taken itself so seriously and at least made some sort of attempt to coherently hang together then this film may well have stepped up a star.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter might have one of the best film titles of all time but its spine is so weak that all the other elements which could have been applauded lose their impact. It's silly, daft and crazy but, you know what, that's fine. I rather enjoyed it and my expectations were slightly exceeded. It's a fun film and not totally without merit. Just don't go to the cinema expecting Nosferatu. 

Clapperboard Rating: * * 

The Angel's Share

Ken Loach has a devoted fan base. The Palme d'Or winning director is famed for his social realist films, presenting a gritty, and often dark, portrayal of problems in Britain's working-class communities. Over the years, he has gathered a large following and a large proportion of this fan base seemed to have descended into the same screening of The Angel's Share that I happened to be in. So what can be said for these Loachaphiles, as we shall call them? Well, they like to read newspapers whilst waiting for the film to begin and constantly complain that the lighting in the auditorium is far too dim for them to see. They don't mind their fair share of gloom and excessive swearing. Oh, and the vast majority probably travelled to the cinema using their free bus pass. Sitting amongst this distinctive demographic and feeling rather too young to be there, I experienced a totally alien feeling when it comes to the usual offering from Ken Loach: optimism.

Written by Loach's long-time collaborator, Paul Laverty, The Angel's Share sees father-to-be Robbie (Paul Brannigan) narrowly avoid prison and vowing to turn over a new leaf for the sake of his unborn son. On beginning his community service punishment, Robbie strikes up a friendship with his supervisor (brilliantly played by John Henshaw) who introduces him to the delights of fine Scottish whisky. Robbie discovers a talent for whisky tasting and comes up with a not totally-legal plan to better his and his friends' lives. There are many parallels to be drawn between this film and Looking For Eric (also a Laverty screenplay). This instantly suggests that this is a much more cheerful affair than your usual Loach offering: 'LoachLite', if you will. That is not to say that the trademark grit of Loach is nowhere to be seen. Early scenes of life in Glasgow estates and extended family rivalry are rather hard-hitting and bleak. A sequence in which Robbie meets the family of a man he brutally attacked during an argument was really moving and Loach certainly drew a fantastic performance from Brannigan throughout the film. With no previous acting experience, Brannigan's taut performance was pitched perfectly and demonstrated a dramatic acting range: from overjoyed father, to violent thug and kind-hearted friend, Brannigan certainly made the film with his performance.

A strong supporting cast (mostly there for comedic effect) were enjoyable to watch as they trekked the Scottish Highlands in search of fine whisky, set to the Proclaimer's '500 Miles'. In any other film, this soundtrack would have seemed too much a parody or pastiche but, to my surprise, it worked. The film's narrative was engaging and moved along at a decent pace but I felt that The Angel's Share is definitely a film of two halves. The first half was most recognisably the work of Loach but once Robbie had hatched his plan to make his fortune and, therefore, his future, the film shifted gear into an all together lighter crime caper. This is not a criticism but I couldn't help feeling that Loach had sweetened somewhat from his earlier films. The Angel's Share still has something to say but time has, perhaps, mellowed Loach in the manner of the finest whisky barrels.

Despite opening this review with a demographic analysis of my fellow audience, this is not a film to which to take your Grandma. An astronomical amount of swearing runs throughout the film but hey, that's realism for you (!). The film's encounter with the BBFC resulted in its receiving a 15 certificate and Loach calling the Board 'hypocrites' over the negotiation of allowing seven c-words, with two 'in an aggressive context'. Maybe Loach hasn't mellowed after all. The Angel's Share is a feel-good film with an inventive narrative and terrific performances from the entire cast. Some have accused Loach of trying to appeal to a mainstream movie-going public and in doing so, dropping the ball in a society which desperately needs Loach to make a cutting and gritty film of our times. Others have attacked the film for what it's not. That, in my mind, isn't the issue. Any Ken Loach film which doesn't leave you wanting to sell all your possessions and become a hermit is worth watching and The Angel's Share might even put a spring in your step. 

Clapperboard Rating: * * * * 

Rock of Ages

I had another cinema first last night. Just before the preview screening of Rock of Ages was about to begin, a member of staff entered the auditorium and informed the audience that the cinema had been sent a 3D print of the film and that they didn't have the technology to play 3D films. They could, however, still project the film but it would have subtitles and a heavy green tint to it. Fine, I thought, I'd stay just to see how bad the green was and if it was still watchable. It turned out that I needn't have worried about the odd colour: the film itself was the issue.

My expectations for Rock of Ages, based on the Broadway musical of the same name, were virtually non-existent – I had seen a trailer but that was about it. The film, also a musical, uses classic 1980s rock anthems in a story which sees small-town girl Sherrie (Julianne Hough) move to Hollywood in 1987 to try and make it big as a singer. She meets fellow aspiring rocker Drew (Diego Boneta) at the famous Bourbon Club which is under the threat of closure from the bible bashing wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones) of the Mayor of the city. Only the legendary rock god Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise) can save the club and its finances by playing there for one night only. Let's start by saying the film is total rubbish, from beginning to end and is so confused that it will have you laughing out loud at just how bad it is. The film's characters are so unconvincing and so flat that I sat there watching 'people' on screen, prancing around and singing, rather than watching 'characters' in a believable world. Now, I understand that a musical, by definition, is not the most realistic of genres and mocking characters suddenly breaking into song in Sainsbury's is kind of missing the point, but still – there's a line.

As for the plot, let's just say that the Gunpowder Plot was more successful. There was no sense of a clear narrative line through the film, stories were muddled and for a lot of the time, I had a look of total bewilderment on my face. A cameo appearance from Mary J. Blige left me asking “Why?!” as she belted out a rendition of 'Any Way You Want It' and a rather strange sequence in which Cruise and Malin Akerman tore each other's clothes off whilst singing 'I Want To Know What Love Is' was so hysterically funny that it had me in tears until I got over the shock and was left thinking eh?...what?...eh?...what on earth just happened? Things didn't get much better with Russell Brand's Brummie accent and an incident involving his character and the Bourbon Club's owner was just bewildering. I was thinking, 'no they're surely not going to go there...oh wait, no, they just have'. I tried to see all this action as a great parody, sending itself up in a biting, self-conscious way. But no, the film's director Adam Shankman appeared to be playing it straight down the line.

Whilst a primary school nativity play probably produces more credible acting, I have to say that Tom Cruise's energy as Stacee Jaxx can't be knocked and he definitely threw himself into the role. I was rather surprised to discover that he performed most of the songs himself as his voice sounded rather good, as did Catherine Zeta-Jones. His character produced one or two vague laughs from the audience and the film's funniest gag was when the two down-on-their-luck lovers compare how far they've fallen: “I'm really a stripper” – “I'm in a boy band” – “Okay, you win”. On the whole, however, the film's dialogue was hugely predictable and tedious and I found myself in a Catch 22 situation: after two minutes of dialogue, I was wishing for the cast to break back into song to dull my pain but when they did so, I instantly wished them to shut up. Any good musical has a strong interplay between the songs and the plot, with each complementing the other. In Rock of Ages, however, the songs had more relevance to international nuclear politics than the love story between Sherrie and Drew.

Rock of Ages is a total mess of a film and, even if you're the most die-hard 1980s rock fan, there's little here for you. Having not seen the stage show, I can't compare the two but I'm sure seeing it on Broadway is infinitely better than enduring over two hours of annoying characters, inexplicable plot development and confused direction which left me, quite frankly, baffled. This film can quite assuredly claim that it has made rock uncool and at one point, Russell Brand's character pleads with a bored Bourbon Club audience to “try and resurrect your enthusiasm”. I'm sorry Russell, but my enthusiasm died during the opening titles. 

Clapperboard Rating: * 

Rock of Ages is released nationwide on 13th June 

Prometheus

I was recently accused of being overly-harsh on many of the films I see and of being too critical for my own good. I can only take this as a compliment and see it as proof that I'm doing my job correctly. In the case this week's film, I'm sure that I'll receive a tirade of comments from die-hard Alien fans objecting to what I'm about to say about Ridley Scott's Prometheus. Bring it on.

Perhaps the most highly-anticipated film of this year, Prometheus is a prequel to Scott's 1979 hit Alien, but is merely set in the world of Alien and not connected directly to the previous film's events. Prometheus follows a team of explorers who, in 2089, discover a series of clues on Earth which leads them to a planet in the darkest depths of space in an attempt to discover where humans came from. What they discover instead, however, is the possible end of mankind and they must fight to save Earth from destruction. Now, before we kick off, let's get one thing out of the way: I'm not a science-fiction fan. Maybe it has stemmed from my Mum who, after seeing Superman and asked what she thought of it, proclaimed that she found it “a bit far-fetched”. I don't know whether she was expecting a Ken Loach masterpiece but I kind of see her point. Don't get me wrong, films about fantastical events and characters (when done properly) can be stunning. But when things don't quite click, I end up rather uninterested by characters which I find hard to engage with. Prometheus, I'm afraid to say, suffers from this very problem.

Let's start with this characterisation which, at best, is rather patchy. A script by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelof creates a large array of characters that, for the most part, are hugely under-developed and are about as dynamic as a can of baked beans. Many of the supporting characters didn't serve a function apart from being killed off (that's not a spoiler, if you didn't know people were going to die in this film then you need your head screwing on properly) and this resulted in a degree of apathy to the proceedings. More problematic, however, were the actions of characters and their motivations which I found to be totally bewildering. It's difficult to say what these were without giving away major plot points but suffice to say that the motives of the majority of the characters were as muddy as...well, mud. Away from these severe characterisation issues, the performances from Noomi Rapace and Michael Fassbender were accomplished and very watchable. Charlize Theron as Meredith Vickers, the stern and slightly creepy 'company rep' on board the Prometheus ship was also intriguing to watch but again, her character's actions with Idris Elba's captain of the ship were mystifying, as the script writers seemed to embark on minor plot strands and then forget all about them.

Science fiction is a genre centred around ideas and for a film about searching for answers, Prometheus is rather confusing and offers up more questions than it does solutions. The issues addressed in the script seemed to be slightly muddled, as if the screenwriters themselves weren't sure about where they were taking the plot and I felt that this was a fundamental problem which affected my enjoyment of the film.

In the same way that my Mum found a flying man slightly unbelievable, weaknesses in characterisation led me to be totally un-engaged with the plot unfolding before my very un-spectacled eyes (I saw the film in 2D, far better than its stereoscopic cousin). Prometheus is a visually-arresting film and contains some fantastic set pieces which were genuinely awe-inspiring. The world which Scott creates is both beautiful and at the same time bleak and the planet landscapes and interior set designs were very impressive. The film's breathtaking opening scene on a thunderous waterfall was apparently filmed on location with minimal use of CGI and this tells you just how much thought has gone into the film's visuals. On another positive note, the aliens were rather frightening and, although not totally horrific in the same way Alien was, there was one notable scene when I genuinely winced when things got a bit crazy (if you see the film, you'll know what I mean).

Prometheus, in the end, is a dramatically-staged mishmash of a plot which doesn't quite work and grand ideas which are never fully-realised. Strong performances and impressive visuals ultimately fail to overcome the narrative issues and characters which are about as engaging as an in-car air freshener. Scott's film is perfectly fine but this, in a way, is indicative of its failure: it should have been so much more. 

Clapperboard Rating: * * *