Noah

Noah has been banned in Bahrain, Qatar, UAE and in Egypt. Paramount Pictures test-screened three different cuts of the film to Christian audiences, all of whom hated it. Moreover, it hasn't picked up much positive praise at all, in religious circles or otherwise. This is rather surprising as, conversely, Noah is as about un-biblical as a biblical epic can be.

From its opening sequences, it's obvious that Noah isn't going to be an end-of-term DVD choice in every R.E. teacher's arsenal: it deviates from its source text to such a great extent that it has more in common with the sci-fi genre than a religious epic. Starring Russell Crowe in the titular role and Emma Watson as his adopted daughter, the film is, first and foremost, bonkers. Indeed, it is so ludicrous and frenzied that any sense of a serious religious or moral subtext is, ironically, drowned out.

The action takes place in an unidentified land where humans have corrupted the Earth and our hero Noah receives instructions from the Creator (the word 'God' is never used in the film) to build an ark to save the creatures of the planet when the floods come to cleanse the world of evil. So far, pretty standard biblical fare. Where it departs from this narrative – and I'm no Biblical scholar – is when fallen angels arrive on the scene in the form– rather bizarrely – of rock monsters with glowing eyes and voices which sound like Brian Blessed through a sub woofer. Throw in a few animals which could be straight out of The Lord of the Rings and the whole thing becomes rather bemusing. Add in a lot of shouting, Russell Crowe's every-changing hair style and some battle sequences and you've got a very confused film.

Crowe's performance is somewhat disengaging. One minute, he's the saviour of the world (quite literally) and the next he's a manic and self-destructing murderer, intent on wiping out the human race at any cost. I'm not even sure the audience are meant to like him. Any empathy which can be given lies with, instead, his wife (superbly played by Jennifer Connelly) whose emotional turmoil and outpourings of grief give the only sense of humanity to the character of Noah. Emma Watson is fine, but her role – along with the other female characters – felt a little underwritten. Ray Winstone is just about convincing as the bad guy Tubal-cain, intent on surviving the floods and Anthony Hopkins (for it is he) plays Noah's grandfather Methuselah.

Whilst the story of Noah and the drowning of millions was never going to be an easy narrative to translate to film, for a 12A, I was surprised by its graphic and, at times, very harrowing moments of death and destruction. The rousing score by Clint Mansell complemented the impressive visuals which director Darren Aronofksy clearly spent much time developing. All in all, however, the film doesn't know quite what it is or what audience it is playing to.

In the end, the biblical references feel like they have been shoe-horned in, the script is far from perfect and the total ridiculousness of it all will leave many feeling alienated. The countries mentioned at the beginning of this review really shouldn't get so worked up: in many ways, the only thing the film shares with its source is lots and lots of water.

Clapperboard Rating: * * *