The Vow

I always try to go into a film with an open mind, holding no prejudices or prejudgements about what I am going to see. This is, of course, easier said than done and is on a par with trying to not lick your lips whilst eating a doughnut...okay, you get what I mean. It is with this astronomically-open mind that I watched The Vow, starring Rachel McAdams and Channing 'Totem-Pole' Tatum. And oh, what fun I had.

Happily married Paige (McAdams) and Leo (Tatum) have a near-perfect relationship until a car accident leaves Paige with no memory of her life with Leo and leaves the couple in a fractured state of existence, with Leo having to win back Paige's heart and make her fall in love with him all over again. Sounds like an interesting and emotive plot, doesn't it? It wasn't. The main problem here was the script which was, at best, limp and dull with dialogue which felt stilted and had as much life as a dirty washing-up bowl. Although McAdams and Totem-Pole's performances were totally acceptable, any hope of a thoroughly-engaging performance from either actor was lost in a cloud of loved-up trash which spilled out of their mouths. The result was two main characters who I couldn't care less about and who, quite frankly, would have avoided all this mess if they'd worn seatbelts.

My empathy for the characters' situation was not enhanced by the fact that Paige's only problem in life before her accident was her inability to finish a sculpture she was working on. Poor girl. Tatum's character was equally insufferable and was far-too-nice to be even remotely believable. The one thing in this film which will save it from total damnation on Doomsday was the inclusion of a sub-plot which involved Paige's parents. Here lay a moral question of second chances and betrayal (surprising, I know) which provided a slight respite from the sickening dialogue. The film, however, barely scratched its surface. The Only Way is Essex probably does a better job in addressing such issues.

Now, before I get accused of 'not understanding the film's target audience', let me just say that I have seen many a romantic film and believe me, there are far better films of that genre out there. The Vow is so cheesy, so full of schmooze and so unbelievable (ironic for a film 'inspired by true events') that even a sixteen-year old school girl with an obsession for Jennifer Aniston and the idea that opposites do indeed attract, will find this film as enjoyable as a sandpaper bikini wax. The film's pacing is all over the place and for the last forty-five minutes, I found myself studying the auditorium's emergency lighting system which was far more interesting than watching a plot 'revelation' which was far-fetched and too late coming. Whilst the film was proficiently shot and contained some nice visual imagery, this was simply not enough to keep my interest going. Some may argue that the film is what it is, and shouldn't be criticised in its use of predictable and clichéd plots, characters and dialogue. But, I'm afraid, The Vow isn't even what it wants to be: an emotive, involving and thought-provoking film – a great shame as the initial premise of the film could have allowed the director Michael Sucsy to create a genuinely interesting and heart-wrenching film.

The Vow, whilst not on the same level as the vomitous filth that was New Year's Eve, holds little merit and I left the cinema feeling robbed of my £6.20. I should have saved my money to buy a pair of pliers to pull my fingernails out. Would have been more fun. 

Clapperboard Rating: *